She is wearing loose, comfortable clothing and appears to be at ease behind the podium in the University Library room where she is speaking to an audience of forty or fifty.
Ms. See has a habit of saying things that other people, well, don’t. “We all know that parents embarrass their children – that’s what we’re put on this earth to do. But no one ever talks about how children embarrass their parents. We keep a stiff lip about it, and say ‘Oh, Sean is doing so well in the halfway house.’ Or ‘Killer is such a nice boy.’ When really, you’re thinking to yourself, thirty years of my life, and for what??”
The audience giggles.
“My daughter had a possum die under her house,” she goes on, “and she called the animal control, which is just a 40-something year old man with a net, to crawl under the house and get it out. My daughter was so grateful, and told him what a wonderful thing he was doing for people. The poor animal control man sat down on her couch and said ‘You may think so, but my father is so disappointed in me. He wanted me to be a doctor. He never says I’m so proud, my son pulled out a dead possum today.’”
The image of that poor man is vivid in my brain. I think of him sobbing on the couch, accepting a glass of lemonade and a pat on the back. Meanwhile, Carolyn has moved on.
“I have an Irish memory,” she says. “That means I can’t remember the good things, but I well remember when someone stole my hard-boiled egg on Easter morning all those years ago. And that’s where you get your material for writing – whatever you remember. If you don’t remember it, it’s not your material.”
Although Ms. See once sent a package of goat turds to someone who gave her a bad review, her most current advice is to send charming notes to everyone, including someone who reviews your work unfavorably. Something along the lines of:
“Thank you for your review, which was a bracing experience for me. It made me see my work in a new light. I hope you will read my next book, which is coming out in a year or two. Maybe you will be able to read all the way to the end of that one. That would be wonderful! Yours sincerely.”
This simple act turns the process of rejection into a joyful, empowering one, and changes negative thoughts into entertaining ones. I can vouch for this. I’ve tried it.
So if someone leaves a note you don't like on one of your Drumtable.com stories, be sure to send them a nice little reply. It doesn’t matter if you’re a little sarcastic, as long as your words are positive.
"The reason I wrote the book, Making a Literary Life, is that I got tired of hearing people say they had sent out a story and been rejected, and then never written another word. Think of it like a courtship," she says. "Not everyone you are attracted to will want to sleep with you on first meeting, so you have to take them to coffee first, get to know them."
I speak to the author for a few minutes after her talk, while she graciously signs my book. She meets my eyes and is completely present - an unusual thing in one who must meet many people. She is delighted to hear that I am writing an article and promises to post a link to it from her website. As I turn to leave, she says "Thank you for your sweetness." I smile back at her and think that in spite of her attempts to seem somewhat crabby, she's the one who is sweet.
Carolyn would say: just begin. Pick a writing site - my own favorite is drumtable.com - register on it, and start typing. It doesn't need to be perfect - just begin, and soon you'll be telling your own story. And you'll be surprised who wants to hear it.
Carolyn See online - the official site: http://www.carolynsee.com/
